Published in Mental Health News
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The thoughts begin simply enough with our family’s weekly meal at the local diner. They are as common and as basic or simple as putting on ones coat. First there is the reminder to wash my hands before leaving my home and limit what I touch. Then my brain tells me to keep my actions and exposures limited, such as the opening the doors to the restaurant, handling the menu, touching the table etc. I use a straw. I use antibiotic soap (only on my hands) and make sure my utensils don’t touch the bare table. When someone passes me an item, I think, are there hands clean? When the waiter serves, thoughts about germs occur for they handle probably the dirtiest item around – our paper money. As the brain keeps sending out signals warning of the dangers of multiple bacteria from mostly every source, the mind, almost without second thoughts of fighting or ignoring such signals, easily accepts and performs the usually simple required action. Reminding myself of how exposure builds the body’s immune and resistance level or that most people don’t have such thoughts has limited success. Strangely, I don’t mind working in the yard or cleaning the litter box. Go figure.
Then there are further thoughts that may not have any visible attributes. I analyze what to order, should I eat very healthy, should I vary the combinations, what did I eat yesterday, what am I having tomorrow? What are the negative affects of the meal I order – is it farmed raised and from where, is the meal well balanced? (Always analyzing, always calculating thinking too much about what ifs and too little about those gathered around the able and the meal we are sharing.)
Constantly, routinely, other obsessive thoughts can influx the mind such as the loss of loved ones, accidents, robberies, various diseases, ailments and disorders. Financial worries, loss of a job, all point to the illness that robs one of a deeper security of Faith in the Spiritual, Faith in God and faith in others. Some of these may be common thoughts but it is the degree, intensity and frequency of these thoughts that confirm and reinforce the disease. I am reminded of the lack of control inherent in life; the unease that exists constantly, and the chance of being overwhelmed by this hyper brain. The outsider does not see this deeper struggle and the more personal thoughts are just too personal to discuss sometimes even within a well established relationship. OCD, the doubter’s disease, wants us to question. For some, it is to question if I locked the car door, did I leave the stove on, did I shut off all the lights, did I wash enough? It wants us to check the oil level, the tire pressure in the car or to call family members over and over to make sure everyone is okay.
These are just some of the signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). How can one describe pain and the awful anxiety exerted on an individual? Contamination from germs is usually the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions OCD. Outsiders may observe continuous hand washing or notice the fastidious compulsion of doing routine tasks in sets of threes. Here the sufferer will take three tissues, wash the hands three times, etc. What the outsider does not see is the anxiety and pain inflicted from the wave that brings terror to the shore of consciousness. One may see the trembling and shakes that come with such high anxiety as the OCD descends deeper into the conscience and sub-consciences of the individual. One may see how an individual is ‘frozen’ in place; unable at achieving a simple task. Most of the time, OCD overwhelms all other brain functions, even breathing may be a struggle. I’ve seen individuals struggle with the common act of shaking hands. It’s a war inside the mind, pitting the brain against itself.
As society studies and grows with the understanding of mental illness, its various forms and attributes, new methods (both chemical and behavioral) of confronting the beast are developed. For example, in OCD treatment there are the 4 R’s, developed by Jeffrey M. Schwartz in his book, Brain Lock, which are relabel, reattribute, refocus and revalue.
Very briefly, relabel means to recognize and identify the thoughts for what they really are – obsessive, intrusive thoughts, urges and compulsions that are a result of the mental illness known as OCD. Reattribute means to realize these thoughts, urges and compulsions are caused by OCD probably with a biochemical component. Distracting yourself and focusing on something else, doing something behavior comes under the refocus step. Lastly, revalue is to review the prior three steps, see what worked, what didn’t and tell yourself that the OCD thought is insignificant and not to be taken at face value.
Done sequentially, regularly and repeatedly, over periods of time they have shown to work. The difficulty is remembering the skills, doing them sequentially, regularly, and repeatedly, over periods of time. As well as applying them over and over, accepting the pain and discomfort they initiate. I am trying some distraction techniques, when mobility choices are limited. Lately, I carry some light reading material and try not to appear too rude. I try to become involved in the conversation. I also try to be an observer of those around me (become a people watcher) as a distraction when my own conversing capabilities are limited. But I must also try to first tell my self that this is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I’m not alone and to learn/develop the skills that are available.
This is one of weaknesses; one of my faults related to mental illness: the larger cross that I carry. It is difficult and embarrassing to air these thoughts in public; maybe they will increase ones’ understanding and avail another’s pain. OCD has taken a small piece of my life. It is not the heaviest burden this illness of the brain has inflicted on me, but it interferes nevertheless with my life’s path. So I pray a lot and try to move forward.
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Glenn Slaby Blog