Published in the Westchester Guardian, 2011
After a small disagreement with my wife over some minor incident, I began to wonder how my actions and thought processes were influenced and controlled by this mental illness; how much of my ‘vision’ was blurred because of malfunctioning neurons and over & under stimulated parts of the brain. I know or at least can figure out how some actions arise out of insecurities, desires and general mood swings. But when it comes to mental illness, there is a lot of difficulty observing how much mental activity and physical responses to this activity is due to obsessive thoughts, anxiety directly or indirectly. Being aware is half the battle.
One of the awareness exercises is becoming an impartial spectator of your own mental and physical workings. You try to observe yourself; step outside a given moment and look at what you are doing, thinking etc., without judging. Very simplistic examples are the urges to wash my hands a little more thoroughly or just eat more healthy food, drink more water, have more vitamins and avoid nonessential treats. These simply common sense items could spiral into the hyper world of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder if I give in to thoughts from the brain to perform these actions again and again. One part of the brain is lying and I have to use and develop another part to convince myself that these are just lies and misinformation coming out of my head.
Life is much more complicated, as the OCD affects thoughts and decision processes at work, conversations with those I love, every day encounters, activities and spiritual practices. It can affect what shows I watch, financial decisions and how I react to ‘triggers’ that may send into a downward spiral. It affects my post traumatic stress, my anxiety, my physical health. The OCD can affect all aspects of ones life. It makes the word “should” a powerful, negative tool creating more insecurity and negativity about my life. And I am very lucky and fortunate for those items that this illness affects, most who suffer mental illness do not have – a loving understanding family, a job, etc.
In a recent Sunday edition of a Westchester daily newspaper, did anyone notice there were two separate stories on the tragedy that is mental illness? These two separate events highlight the extreme pain that afflicts family and friends. The murder of a college student by her seriously depressed mother and the story of a young man suffering from schizophrenia who went missing, show two very different diseases of the brain and the tragedy of lives destroyed, loves lost, faith shattered and continuing pain. When the brain is hijacked by the above illnesses and others such as bi-polar disorder, anxiety, etc., it doesn’t just take a few months, it takes years, seemingly a lifetime, to retrain the brain to observe, discover the false signals/voices and ignore them, to learn how to respond or not to respond. It takes time, luck, patience and love from others and for one’s self. It takes time, a seemingly eternity to develop and have confidence in the right relationships with ones doctors and therapists. It takes time to find medication and combinations of such and for the biological systems of the body to get use to these strong prescriptions. It takes love; a hard, difficult patient love.
There is a lot of pain hidden in our society. The above events were not isolated instances. I hear stories every day of the struggles and loneliness of mental illness. I hear of setbacks, anger and police involvement. There is no one shape or manner of cure and healing. With the complexity of our culture and society we must somehow develop the tools to what, for what – for everything, from enabling us to live quality self-sufficient lives, to become members of the productive working and accepting community. The tools are mostly there and in place here in Westchester, but might be in small proportion for what is needed. Isolation is a problem as well as the accessibility of alcohol and other drugs. The ignorance of others and certain aspects of our material culture needs to be improved upon. Our religious communities are of great service and offer much, but I wonder how acceptable our plight is in other parts our nation and the rest of our dysfunctional planet.
#723
Glenn Slaby Blog